Letting Go Of The Past

Now this has been a major issue I’ve dealt with for a long time. I think starting when I was around nine years-old, I began dwelling on certain events that happened before such as not getting along with Brody and the troubles I’ve had with my kindergarten classmates. Sure I was able to subside these feelings for a while until sometime around 2011 when I started reminiscing about times with Brody I found annoying (such as talking non-stop about the Harry Potter movies). 

In the following years, I began having more and more difficulty letting go of past things that I saw in a negative light that affected my overall mood. Later times included trouble from that specific middle school classmate combined with those of another classmate I knew since elementary, movie critic reviews, updates to depictions of my favorite dinosaur species and negative instances with my family.

No matter how much I’ve discussed these with my mom, these feelings still manage to find a way back to fester in my mind and corrupt my mood due to facing my other demons. 

However much more recently it became not only the bad times that I struggle to stop dwelling on, but also the good times, which I don’t mention as much as others. Such times include big family parties, free summers, being in schools with lenient teachers and classmates that were not only funny but also got along well with me, having a larger posse of coworkers, being able to get away with more immature behavior, going on vacations more with my family and having more difficulty on what I want as Christmas presents.

Even with plenty of these special great memories, I still feel empty and part of me feels like some of them don’t feel real anymore because of all the drastic changes I’ve endured regarding these special moments that ruined how I enjoyed them. Plus since I’ve been feeling so unsatisfied about my current situation I’ve been heavily relying on past memories to help make myself feel better which I only feel like is making it worse and I don’t know what to do.