New Year Anxiety

I started understanding the concept of New Year’s I think when I was around the age of five. This gave me a deeply uneasy feeling as I didn’t like hearing the fact of years that I grew content in coming to an end in favor of a new year that I wasn’t sure how would go down because I never knew what to expect and being someone of the autism spectrum didn’t help either.

These feelings began to subside into my teen years once I started understanding how to be appreciative over my then-situations such as being in good school systems, having lots of good friends and consistently seeing more family members who were supportive towards me. However these feelings began finding their way back to me closer to the end of 2019 when I wasn’t happy about my living situation coupled with not being around my good friends anymore and the fact that we were heading into a whole new decade, leaving behind one that left me with so many important memories. 

I actually handled the new year of 2020 fine followed  by 2021 and 2022. 2023 it started coming back to me somewhat because of already being a good portion into the decade and bringing me farther away from the past I loved so much along with the first few years following my high school graduation not going exactly as I planned (largely due to our new house not being done, stressful work on our new house and of course COVID-19). 

But it wasn’t until I graduated from college and went more into the work force, that I never really had a chance to experience due to school work combined with rediscovering some movies from my happier years is when I started to develop dreadful anxiety about New Years.  Because of it bringing me farther away from the past I was content with and in new times were not too many things feel as special as they were during my youth. 

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